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All the posts and photos about the splash Michelle Obama has made overseas, and talk of etiquette issues, and touching the queen versus not touching the queen, and hugs versus handshakes and marital fanny pats, and the general confusingness of cross-cultural protocol, etc., etc., reminded me of a conversation I had with a French journalist around the time of the inauguration. I wrote a book about Michelle Obama, and the journalist--the French were super-interested in the First Lady even then, for reasons that included but were not limited to the lift she's given the fashion industry--did an interview. The journalist, who was very nice, had a list of questions about Michelle Obama's background and personality, one of which was: "Barack Obama is a very sexy man. If he were to have an affair, do you think Michelle Obama would mind?" The answer to that seemed easy--yes, Mrs. Obama doubtless would mind, I said. Later she asked, "And so, Mrs. Obama, if she were to take a lover, do you think the American people would be okay with that?" Also easy: American people, definitely not okay. She looked sort of puzzled. I felt sort of parochial. But maybe not. Among the many things the Obamas may transform into a hot global fashion: Fidelity.
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Per our discussion about whether handshakes or hugs are more appropriate in workplace settings, I think it's safe to say that the Obamas' meeting with French President Nicolas Sarkozy and his wife, Carla Bruni, provides absolutely zero guidance.
As we can see from the photo, Sarkozy gave Michelle Obama the Euro-style cheek kiss, while his wife gave Barack Obama a more formal handshake. But, as these photos from the British Sun show, Ms. Bruni greeted Mrs. Obama with smooches on the cheek, and the two presidents hugged.
I'll try to keep all of this in mind the next time I'm meeting a world leader.
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To answer Sam's valid query about what to do when you meet someone new, in a formal or informal setting: HANDSHAKE. Always. Why on earth are we hugging? The last time I hugged a total stranger was at a three-hour spoken-word extravaganza before which the performers worked the crowd and foisted deep, yogic hugs upon innocent spectators. Too crunchy, dude.
And, Hanna, growing up as the daughter of Nigerian immigrants (there, a small curtsy is expected from young women), I was told over and over again that a poor handshake would sully all future impressions, and I had better do it right. Not too firm, said my mother, not too jerky, and smile—with an expression hovering between thoughtfulness and elation. This is the kind of thing I am going to subliminally transmit to my children—with good reason! A solid shake is socially irreplaceable, whether one is "fresh off the boat" or long since assimilated.
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