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On the positive side for Elizabeth Dole, she never again has to endure being called "Liddy," a nickname she's been trying to shed at least as far back as the first story I ever read about her, in which I distinctly remember her being referred to as "still turning heads at 43.'' Unfortunately, her new name is "the former senator'' of North Carolina. And though I've always liked her, she earned it the old-fashioned way, by working hard to disregard her better instincts with ads that accused her Democratic opponent, former Sunday-school teacher Kay Hagan, of palling around with "Godless Americans.'' Sitting here with my own team of analysts—including my door-knocking 12-year-old daughter, who just yawned, "There's a surprise," when Georgia was called for McCain—it occurs to me that I am not so much after a repudiation of conservatism as I am an end to meanness. And the ad that ended Dole's career? That was just ungodly.
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The good news is, we may finally have located the floor, the how-low-can-you-go spot where it's the negative campaigner who falls to the ground, embarrassed and wishing he or she had known the limits of voter tolerance for crazy ads. The bad news is, the gal down there on the linoleum with her Spanx showing is Sen. Elizabeth Dole, who should have opted for a classier exit from politics than this derriere-over-teacup insult to the believer's intelligence, an instantly notorious TV spot claiming that her Democratic opponent, Kay Hagan, met secretly with "Godless Americans'' and took "Godless money.'' Sure, because there were a couple of atheists among the several dozen people who hosted a fundraiser for her in Massachusetts. Unknown if any witches were on hand. Also unfortunate: Hagan felt, probably rightly, that she had to respond with an ad reassuring North Carolinians that she does believe in God and used to teach Sunday school. So should these two settle the race with a God-off Bible bee? God forbid.
Update: Incredibly, though Dole has taken a hit in the polls since putting up the first ad, she's just responded to Hagan's defense with a second ad, Godless 2, in which a narrator asks, "If Godless Americans threw a party in your honor, would you go?'' Maybe; would there be cake?