The XX Factor: What women really think.



Monday, January 07, 2008 - Posts

  • Never Let Them See You Cry


    Oh, Emily, I didn't mean to suggest that Hillary really is beyond caring that she's hated; for that, I think you either have to be dead or the Dalai Lama, and then you wouldn't be hated. I was just admiring how convincingly she seemed not to care, and even put over a joke about it, which worked for me. Since then, of course, Clinton has also gotten teary-eyed in public—just like her husband and both Presidents Bush have in the past. And yes, as it turns out, humanity looks good on her. Not, I hope to goodness, because women are so appealing in victim mode, but because the biggest question about Sen. Clinton as a presidential candidate has always been whether, for completely understandable reasons, after all she's been through, there was any unscripted impulse left, any residue of feeling that might offer some reliable clues about who she really is and what she might do as president.

    At a diner in New Hampshire yesterday, she broke down when answering this sweet softball of a query from a freelance photographer: "My question is very personal; how do you do it?" the woman asked, and mentioned how well put-together Clinton always looks. "How do you keep upbeat and so wonderful?" (Whoa, hardball really is overrated.) "It's not easy,'' Clinton answered her, melting with each word, "and I couldn't do it if I didn't passionately believe it was the right thing to do. You know, I have so many opportunities from this country; I just don't want to see us fall backwards. You know, this is very personal for me. It's not just political it's not just public. I see what's happening, and we have to reverse it. Some people think elections are a game; they think it's about who's up or who's down.'' I was glad to hear her say she's not one of them.

    Since it's apparently fine for boy presidents to get misty—they've been doing it for years—can a woman who is still interviewing for the job get away with it, too? I hope so, because the "likability' we demand of all our candidates requires some vulnerability. And if female candidates weren't allowed to show any, that would explain why it's only theoretical women candidates we find likable.

  • Liking Hillary


    Huh, that's interesting, Melinda, because I also found that moment of the Saturday debate memorable—but for different reasons. Hillary's response made me think about how hard and frustrating it is to be told you're unlikable. Especially when the likable guy has just strolled on into a party you've been working for 35 years. Maybe Hillary was simultaneously mocking the whole idea—the double interpretation is all to the good for her—but my main impression was self-deprecation and yes, hurt feelings, which made me empathize with her. It also made Obama screw up, I think. His "Hillary, you're likable enough," retort, or somesuch, was off-pitch and callous. He could have said sweetly "I like you plenty, Hillary" or "they like you plenty," since what was at issue was the voters' feelings, not his. Or he could have said nothing at all.

    Another good Hillary debate moment: forgiving John Edwards for dissing her jacket in an earlier debate. She offered the perfect combination of classy acknowledgement and shrug. And when I watched her up on stage with all nine of the male candidates, Republicans and Democrats—well, I was glad she was there.

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