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Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eight tips for what to carry when you travel with kids.
In general, I aim to travel light, but I’ve learned over the years that this generally isn't a good strategy as a parent. If anything teaches you the happiness value of preparation, it’s parenthood. The right supplies can mean the difference between misery and good cheer.
If you’re traveling with a baby, of course you need a whole different set of supplies. My children are out of that stage, and now I never go on a trip without at least most of these items:
1. A bag of almonds. These are for me as much as for my children.
2. A bottle of water. (Usually I’m violently opposed to bottled water, but I now concede that it’s good to have a bottle when you travel.)
3. Novelty candy. By this, I mean a candy that’s odd (e.g., Pop Rocks, candy spray) or takes a long time to eat (candy necklace) or fun in some way (Pez). I save this to whip out if my kids get crabby. Chocolate or anything that can melt is a risky choice.
4. Coloring book and markers, but remember to check that the markers aren’t all dried out. Just learned this the hard way. (Spend out! Don’t put a dud marker back in the box. A metaphor for life.)
5. Books.
6. Wipes. Not just for babies anymore.
7. Camera. Remember to charge it. Learned that the hard way, too.
8. We finally caved and bought a portable DVD player. This is a great invention. I actually finished Ken Follett’s The Pillars of the Earth on the plane while my daughters were transfixed by My Neighbor Totoro.
Irrelevant note to entrepreneurs out there: I think the scratch-and-sniff market has been sorely overlooked. Growing up, my sister had a collection of scratch-and-sniff stickers, and we still have fun going through her big pile. The Sweet Smell of Christmas is one of our favorite picture books. Happiness is a great scratch-and-sniff!
* Interested in starting your own happiness project? If you’d like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.
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I've started a new feature—the True Rules series. These aren't general rules for living, like "Enjoy the present." They're more concrete lessons that come out of people's specific experiences.
Traditions boost happiness. Every August, my college roommate comes out from California with her family to spend several weeks in New Jersey with her in-laws. At some point while she’s on the East Coast, according to our tradition, she takes the train into Manhattan, and we spend most of the day going for a long walk. (One of the nicest things about New York City is that when you walk even a mile, you feel like you’ve really traveled far; each neighborhood is so different from the others.)
We see each other only one day each year, but we cover a lot of ground on that day. Highlights of this year’s walk include her stopping to read choice bits from Coleridge’s letters, a trip to a bookstore, and our discovery that we’re both raving fans of Twilight—we spent a long time trying to plumb the mystery of its strange power.
Along the way, I asked for a True Rule, and she had a good one:
If you can’t watch the video: “One of my True Rules—and I’ve used it with my kids a lot, and it has held true—is to try something eight times before you give up in a snit.”
Eight times is a good number. Your child begs to try something, then wants to quit right away—eight piano lessons, eight attempts on rollerblades, eight ballet classes is enough to permit a real judgment. I'm going to try that on my children—and on myself.
* Benjamin Franklin is one of the patron saints of people doing happiness projects; in fact, he inspired the design of my Resolution Charts. So I was thrilled to see this homage to him by Maira Kalman on her great blog, And the Pursuit of Happiness.
* Speaking of Resolutions Charts, if you'd like to take a look at my personal Resolutions Chart, for inspiration, just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “Resolutions Chart” in the subject line.
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Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Five tips for getting a little kid to take no for an answer.
My 3-year-old hates being told “No” and “Don’t,” and she’s also one of those kids who immediately does exactly what you ask her not to do, so I’ve had to develop some strategies to get the “no” message across without unleashing the very behavior I want to stop. These kinds of minor but extremely aggravating struggles can be a major happiness challenge.
I realized that although she doesn’t want to hear “no,” my daughter responds very well to certain kinds of explanations. While “It’s not healthy,” “We don’t have time,” and “I don’t want to buy that” don’t work very well, other justifications are more effective. Once I've said no, I try to turn her attention to something more interesting. Here are some of the most helpful strategies:
1. “It’s for safety.” For some reason, my daughter wisely accepts safety as an absolute directive, so I invoke it whenever possible. For example, I characterized the “no slamming doors” rule as a safety rule, not a noise/behavior rule. “When people slam doors, eventually, people get their fingers smashed. So for safety, no slamming doors.”
2. “That’s just for decoration.” We can walk into a store crammed with treats or gimcracks, and when she asks if she can get something, I just say sadly, “They’re just for decoration; they’re not for sale.” She never questions this!
3. “The doctor says …” Invoking the authority of a doctor, dentist, teacher, or grandparent often makes a message acceptable. “The Yellow Room teachers say children must wear mittens to schools, not gloves.” “I know you don’t feel like brushing your teeth, but Dr. Smith says it’s very important to brush every night.” I’m not above pretending to send an e-mail to get a particular answer.
4. “I know you know.” My daughter hates being told “Don’t,” and she loves to show that she’s a big girl. So I often say things like, “I know you know this, but other children don’t know that you shouldn’t tap on the glass of a fish tank. They don’t know that the noise bothers the fish. Fortunately for the fish, you already know that.”
5. “The sign says …” Like most children who can’t yet read, my daughter is extremely impressed by the power of the written word. She will obey any sign. And because she can’t read, a sign can say anything that I want it to say.
Looking at the list, I’m struck by how devious and manipulative I sound. Oh well. I’m using my powers for good.
Have you found any good strategies for getting a little kid to take no for an answer?
*I send out short monthly newsletters that highlight the best of the previous month’s posts. If you’d like to sign up, click here. Or just e-mail me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. (Sorry about writing it in that roundabout way; I’m trying to thwart spammers.) Just write “newsletter” in the subject line.